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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Mylanta for my Captcha Ache

When I was a kid -- maybe 7 or 8 or so -- I used to sneak into my parents' bathroom and steal Maalox or Mylanta from the medicine cabinet. Sometimes I would steal as many as 4 at a time, and I never even had a belly ache. It was just like candy to me, or at least it was an acceptable candy-like alternative when my sweet tooth got really desperate. I actually really enjoyed the delicate texture and light lemony flavor.

These days Tums are the antacid of my household, but I don't do any sneaking around to get these little nasty nuggets into my belly. I must say that they are disgusting compared to my beloved Mylanta. Even Maalox -- a definite step down from Mylanta in flavor and texture -- is way better than Tums. Tums are chalkier than a classroom chalktray at the end of May, and just about as tasty.

I miss Mylanta.



And now, in other news:

























P.S. That font is called "Hobo std". Just thought you'd like to know.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

This post is in German(ish)

For a German-English translation, go to Babelfish. These bots are still crap at translating with any accuracy, but the results are pretty funny, and you can actually more or less get the gist of this post with their translation.

Einige Freunden haben gefragt, dass ich etwas auf Deutsch schreibe. Wer fragt an Bunsnip, bekommt.

Erstens, muss ich sage, dass es wirklich eine lange Zeit gewesen ist, seit ich ueberhaupt etwas auf Deutsch geschrieben habe. Auch wenn ich mal Deutsch oft schrieb, war mein Deutsch nie perfekt. Ich weiss, dass ich viele, viele schreckliche Fehler mache. Dass ist sehr schwer fuer mich, da ich Uebergrammatiknazi bin. Es tut meine Gefuehle weh, dass ich nicht perfekt auf Deutsch schreiben kann. So bitte, wenn Sie Deutsch lesen koennen, seien Sie bitte nicht boese auf mich und meine furchtbare Fehler. Vielen dank.

Einige Dinge ueber Deutsch, die Sie wissen wollen:

(1) Auf Deutsch benutzt man die Kommas unterschiedlich als auf Englisch. Auf Deutsch bedeutet das Komma nicht dass man eine Pause machen soll, statt nur dass ein neuer Halbsatz beginnt (im Grossen und Ganzen).

(2) Auf Deutsch schreibt man alle Nomen mit Grosser erster Letter. Pronomen sind aber nicht genau wie Nomen, und sind auch unterschiedlich als auf Englisch. Auf Englisch schreibt man die erste Person (die Ich-Form) "I" gross, und alle andere Pronomen klein. Auf Deutsch, im Kontrast, schreibt man die formale Version von der zweiten Person "Sie" gross, und alle andere Pronomen klein. Einige sagen das bedeutet, dass Deutscher respektieren andere Menschen und Englisch-sprecher respektieren sich selber. Das ist nicht aber meine Meinung. Ich meine Sprachen sind alle unterschiedlich, aber die Unterschieden bedeuten nicht, dass eine Sprache besser als eine andere ist. Die sind einfach unterschiedlich.

(3) Die Wortstellung auf Deutsch is etwas anders als auf Englisch. Auf Deutsch kommen Verben manchmal zweitens im Satz, genau wie auf Englisch, so:

Englisch: I love apples. (SVO - Subject Verb Object)

Deutsch: Ich liebe Aepfel. (SVO - Subjekt Verb Objekt)

Aber viel oefter kommen Deutsche Verben am Ende dem Satz oder Halbsatz, weil der Satz viel komplizierter ist, so:

Englisch: [I'm asking you] [if you also love apples]. ([first clause: SVO][second clause: SVO])

Deutsch: [Ich frage dich], [ob du Aepfel auch liebst]. ([first clause: SVO][second clause: SOV])

Ich lehre Ihnen nicht ueber die Details von Deutscher Grammatik, weil ich weiss schon, wie Sie den Blogposten von Englischer Grammatik so so lieben!

Gut.

Jetzt, schau mal an: ein Nabel:



Wunderschoen, nicht wahr?


For a good German-English online dictionary, go to LEO.



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Monday, July 14, 2008

Then and now

20 years ago: I was 5 years old and a Kindergartener at Woodstock Elementary in SLC. In class I sat with my two neighborhood girlfriends at the “Circle Table”, which was actually rectangular, and this was cause for much confusion to me. (I guess the tables were all named after shapes, but I’m very literally minded, so I couldn’t quite handle this abstraction at 5 years of age). My girlfriends copied their classwork off of mine.

10 years ago: I was 15 years old and in 9th grade at Bonneville Jr. High. This was the most Mormon year of my life. I took my first seminary class, read the entire Book of Mormon cover to cover in 2 months, and finished school with a sense of peace and a testimony about the LDS church. This only lasted for about a year, and within 2 years I lost my belief in god and the church. I also started my period during this year. Yay for late blooming in that area! (Apologies to my male readers.)

5 years ago: I was 20 years old and a Junior at the University of Utah. I had just declared my second major in Linguistics, and would have to complete the required Linguistics courses within four semesters, but I planned it all out and knew it would be doable. I was living in the same apartment in which I’m currently living, and working part time at a medical malpractice law firm. I was very poor, but very happy.

3 years ago: I was 22 and had graduated from the U with a double major in German and Linguistics, and I had a plan to flee Utah at the end of summer and move to Boston, though I had no job lined up. It would have probably been a mistake to move to Boston (I can’t stand the humidity on the East coast), and so that’s why it’s a good thing that I decided to stay and pursue a relationship with my post-collegiate fling Like Me, which promptly ended at the end of summer anyway.

1 year ago: I was 24 and my situation then was much like it is now: Living with Ian in our apartment near the U and working at the patent law firm. The only difference is that I had not yet decided to pursue law school.

So far this year: I took the LSAT in June, which is basically the only thing I have been focusing on this year. I did well on it and I hope it gets me into law school next year.

Yesterday: I had a fun little relationship talk with Ian. He and I are not great at communicating with each other, and this is something that I feel needs to be addressed if we are to rekindle a closeness between us. Honestly not sure where this is going to go, but we’re going to try to keep things together. I love him, and he loves me, but the space between us has got to go. Will love prevail? Stay tuned.

Today: I slept through my alarm for the entire hour it went off, and got to work late. Nobody was mad. I love working here because of that. Later Ian and I will be celebrating Zac’s 100th day of rebirth with a round of sushi. Well, it’ll probably be teriyaki chicken for me. Can’t stomach the raw fish and seaweed. Happy hundredth, Broy!

Tomorrow: I am going to the library to pick up the Extras on DVD (thanks to Miss Whit-face for the recommendation.)



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Friday, July 11, 2008

The Purpose of Writing a Blog

Jeff Simmermon, one of the authors of And I Am Not Lying wrote this about blogging the other day:

So much of what passes for quality writing online these days is little more than lurid typing, and I’m not into that. I had hoped the blogosphere would be a great literary groundswell, an electronic distillation of art and beauty for the 21st century. Turns out that generation blog just Google-maps the contours of our own navels, and the greatest oversharers get the biggest prize.
And it got me thinking about what the point of a blog is, and whether a blog can be considered art in its own right. (Of course, when you see some of the things people call art these days, you might wonder if this isn't a rhetorical question. I suppose at the end of the day the art question might just be a matter of opinion.)

Anyway, I've heard some bloggers say that they don't write their blogs for their audience, but for themselves. And I think that's utter baloney (therapeutic benefits of blogging aside). If you were really only writing for yourself, you'd be writing in a journal that you keep locked up in your bedside table never to be read by anyone but yourself and maybe your snoopy "concerned" parent or jealous spouse. But by publishing stuff on the internet for everyone and their grandma to see, you gotta know that at least a little tiny part of you is looking for an audience.

But does that mean we bloggers are trying to make our writing a literary groundswell for our audiences? I think not. I think if we were, most of us would fail at the task, but maybe also a lot more of us would actually make a living doing this stuff. But ultimately I think it's unfair to expect blogs to achieve the same literary status as a collection of Keats.

I like to think of blogs as being akin to an undergraduate term paper. I don't know about you, but I did a whole lot of night-before and morning-of paper writing in college. In fact, I got pretty damn good at churning out a good paper at the last minute. Going back and reading some of those papers, it's clear to me that I could have written most of them better. I could have explored the issues more deeply, and achieved better structural organization and clarity of thought. But I feel like overall I achieved the purpose I was setting out to achieve with my work. I'm not necessarily proud of my good-enough accomplishments, but I'm not ashamed of them either.

Same thing with this blog; I do try to be entertaining and provocative, and I try to write well. But I don't hone my posts draft after draft, and I don't expect them to stand as my best work. Most of the time, I write the posts as they come to me, without thought as to organization or really where I plan to go in the end, then I read them through once or twice and change a few things and then publish away. If I happen to notice any glaring grammatical errors following publication, I go back and fix them, but for the most part, once a post is out there, it's there to be read and commented on for a day and then to be forgotten and never thought of or spoken about again.

It's the nature of blogs to be an ephemeral glimpse at the mundanity of every day life.

But more than that, I think it's also an opportunity to connect with other people who vibe with you intellectually, or who can relate to the same types of issues you have dealt with in your life and written about on your blog. Maybe it's just a chance to get inside someone else's head for a change. Have you ever wondered what it might be like to see the world through someone else's eyes? I used to think about that a lot when I was a kid. Well, I think blogs let us do that a little bit, more so at least than novels, films, or even essays, all of which are strongly edited, and some of which are fictional and therefore not necessarily a true view of the human experience.

I'm not trying to say that blogs are the tits-screw and down with novels and artsy films. I'm just saying that blogs serve a purpose, and maybe that purpose is just for us to Google-map our navels, and then show that Google-mapped navel to someone else and say, "Look what I have!" and for them to say, "Hey, that's neat, I've got something like that too, here let me show you."

In short, blogs are just a place for us to be the lovely individuals that we are, and to share that lovely navel fluffiness with others. So feel free to come around here and show me your navel lint any time. I'd love to see it.

I say these things in the name of Jesus riding a T-Rex,

Amen.



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