Comments on Bunsnip: Comfortable in My Own Skin

Theoretically I could broach this a number of ways...

2011-01-18T00:14:28.853-08:00

Theoretically I could broach this a number of ways. Socio-culturally, I can say that those who feel a need to 'reform' someone's 'image' so that it can become 'congruent' with some non-existing notion of 'clear' femininity or masculinity are, per me, in a state of personal anxiety. Those who do not embrace their respective natures with ease don't do so because they can't but because they are not supported by the systems around them.
The clearer the categories we construct for people, the easier it is for us to keep track of, and perhaps 'control?' them.
Gender is, after all, a social construct. And if it's constructable, it can be deconstructed.
I can share so many experiences here but suffice it to say my own professional work and overall life is primarily about a decoding and understanding of gender identity formations. There is nothing inconsequential and trivial about gender.
In sum, those who feel a need to comment on your presentation are not commenting on you, remember, they are simply revealing their own lack of comfort with their own natures.
When a chap told me that I looked like I was totally at home in my own skin I answered by saying: 'Ah, good. It's most cost-feasible that way. Plus, it fits ME better than any other, eh?' Tomboyish-ness is another sign of empowerment. As a fellow sharer of the niche, I say, thank you nature, thank you!

IT WORKED....SHA..tothe..ZAM!

2011-01-18T00:14:27.670-08:00

IT WORKED....SHA..tothe..ZAM!

Thanks, everybody. Your comments are all very help...

2011-01-18T00:14:27.479-08:00

Thanks, everybody. Your comments are all very helpful. ;)

Thanks, everybody. Your comments are all very help...

2009-01-26T14:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks, everybody. Your comments are all very helpful. ;)

IT WORKED....SHA..tothe..ZAM!

2009-01-24T12:43:00.001-08:00

IT WORKED....SHA..tothe..ZAM!

I find you (through your writing, o'course) to be ...

2009-01-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

I find you (through your writing, o'course) to be the best of both worlds, both masculine and feminine. But a part of me realizes that I compartmentalize your strong writing, opinions and thoughts into a masculine "drawer" and your sensitive thoughts and words into one lined with feminine paper. So, now I'm just pissed at myself for being such an old-fashioned rube.

Okay, so net-net, I think you're fabulous and easily one of my most favorite blogheads around. You could shave your head and still be hot, just so you know.

I think you are one of the loveliest and most inte...

2009-01-21T14:52:00.000-08:00

I think you are one of the loveliest and most interesting women I've ever met. To me, both feminity and masculinity have a huge range, and I don't define feminity by long nails or long hair. I'm considered one of the most feminine of my girlfriends and yet I wear the most masculine clothes, I'm the only one who can change my own oil, I always paid my half on dates, and I love to load up the truck for a trip to the dump. When I read Colette at the height of the feminist movement, I realized a woman could be fierce and independent, and still like a ruffle or a bow now and then. When you get older, it is so much easier to feel comfortable with yourself. I'd love short, spiky hair, and if it weren't for my fat little face (which I like, by the way), I'd have those scissors out so fast it would make your head spin. Then again, many people think a woman should cut her hair when she turns 50. Who are these people?

I won't give you the standard TS quote from Poloni...

2009-01-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

I won't give you the standard TS quote from Polonius, but I will say that other peoples' problems are just that, and as long as you are able to see and like the person in the mirror truthfully, you're on the right path.

I'm a people-pleaser. I can't help it. But there comes a point when what's pleasing to others violates one's personal integrity so severely that nobody is pleased, and thus, here we are.

You be you, the best way you know how to be. The best part is, nobody's more qualified for the job!

I always want approval from others and I want to b...

2009-01-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

I always want approval from others and I want to be able to be who I feel I am inside, but approval usually wins. Certain people (such as my in-laws) barely know who I am even though I have known my husband my whole life and we have been married over 7 years! When I was really struggling with this the most was when I started my blog. I have found that as more family and friends read my blog and see that side of me, I am more willing to be that person around them...although I do find I still neuter my personality around them more than I would like. I think this is a life-long struggle for MANY people.

I love introspective posts like this. I think it's...

2009-01-18T07:19:00.000-08:00

I love introspective posts like this. I think it's unfortunate when society places their expectations on individuals who might not fit the bill. I think it's incredible that you are comfortable with who you are (so many people aren't) and it's only when society sticks its nose where it doesn't belong that you feel uneasy. Maybe it's time you are a little more firm in your push-back on those who have an opinion. Tell your mom those comments are hurtful - and even if she doesn't think they are, tell her to no longer go there. Come up with your own come-backs for people less close to you when they make comments that are inappropriate. If they see how they have an effect on you, maybe they'll think a little more before saying stuff. That's largely the problem is people make comments without really thinking about how the recipients will receive that comment.

Natalie: Thanks for the adorably cute bit. Of cour...

2009-01-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

Natalie: Thanks for the adorably cute bit. Of course I don't mind being called cute. Being a tomboy doesn't mean you hate compliments ;) I'm sorry that my commenting system eats comments sometimes. I don't think it happens as often as Sov says, but it does happen. I would change to a different comment layout, but I happen to prefer this one to the other options, so I guess you can either copy it to the clipboard before posting or risk losing your heartfelt words. Sorry. Your salvaged comment was very nice.

Dena: Yeah. I used to completely like myself and have no image issues whatsoever, but over the years that's been chipped away, and I've stopped really liking myself for who I am I guess. I need to work that out, because I'm the only one I have to live with my entire life, so I may as well find that inner confidence again.

Sov: I can't think of any exquisitely girly things I might have done in your presence, but I'll take your word for it. I do have a feminine side, naturally, I've just never been your standard princessy girly girl. As for a dress and rocking it, anyone can rock whatever they want if they choose to own the style. You have to wear it with confidence. It may well be true that I could look hot in a dress, but probably only if I feel hot in it. And I don't see that as a likelihood. I don't particularly care for my hair at the moment, actually. It's not much of a style, and doesn't really reflect the spunky fringe type look that I like. I'm planning to rectify that soon (although I'm still planning to keep it longer), but I want to put some funk into it. I'm just worried about finding a stylist who's not going to completely misinterpret what I want and butch my head again.

Trov: Totally. The problem is that I actually want the approval of others. Maybe that's what I need to get over. I will work on it.

B.R.: Thanks, I like your attitude. I like the idea that someone's disapproval actually reflects their own insecurities. I will ponder that more. Seeing as how I kind of get a bad taste in my mouth around girly girl types, I suppose I should be thanking nature too!

Theoretically I could broach this a number of ways...

2009-01-17T06:20:00.000-08:00

I have always been a big fan of being yourself. A...

2009-01-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

I have always been a big fan of being yourself. As long as you like who you are, that is all that matters.

Within legal limits, of course.

We humans like to force our own views of what is right, wrong, weird or normal on others. Or we try to fit into the molds others make for us. We want to fit in with others. We want to make connections and form groups.

I consider it a bit of pre-programming we need to overcome.

@Natalie: Sra's blog eats comments like no other ...

2009-01-16T16:24:00.000-08:00

@Natalie: Sra's blog eats comments like no other blog. It's weird. I find myself doing the highlight and copy thing as a rule when I comment here.

You are most definitely a tomboy, but there are times in my memory when you've done something exquisitely girly in my presence, and so I think you have a good balance of who you are. I also think you are quite comfortable in this.

I bet you could rock a dress if you wanted to. I'm picturing it in my head, and I think it looks great.

That spiky haircut is what caught my attention and made me message you, leading to our friendship. That fact that you were unique in a sea of plain-Jane boring sameness (read: lots of Mormon girls) was very attractive. Truth be told, I think that haircut was more you than the one you currently have, although the new one gives you a more mature look (necessary for law school, no doubt.) Both of them are reflections of your personality at different points in your life, and I applaud you for knowing who you are and not being afraid to look the part.

I chewed my nails up until I was 9. Then, fate brought forth a method of curbing that habit permanently, and since that time, I have never, ever, not once, ever chewed a single nail since. I've never even considered it. All of my nails are bite-free forever.

"the people in your life who count don't care, and the people in your life who care don't count"

I LIKE this statement, therefore I shall steal it and repeat it.

:)

We are our own worst enemies. After 32 years of s...

2009-01-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

We are our own worst enemies. After 32 years of struggling to be accepted by everyone else, I still find myself struggling to be accepted by my own self. I haven't been succesful. One day, I will be.

man. i just wrote this long, eloquent comment and...

2009-01-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

man. i just wrote this long, eloquent comment and then lost it somehow. whew...ok...here we go again.

i think you are adorably cute for whatever that's worth. maybe the tomboy in you doesn't like to hear that, but it's true. also i can understand how you feel. i have never been one to care so much what others think about me...sometimes to my own detriment. sometimes when i don't care what others think i don't take care of myself. also i have learned over the years that the times i have struggle the most with what others think about me is when i have no idea who i am. when i am in my moments of introspectiveness and am searching my soul i also feel that need to please everyone else.

i guess what i am trying to say is don't hide. be who you are. don't worry what others think. your real friends will love you no matter who you are.

the people in your life who count don't care, and the people in your life who care don't count.