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Friday, April 22, 2011

Kind of a random collection of reports and thoughts.

Classes are almost over for the semester. I have one more full day of classes next Monday, but then it's reading period for a week until finals begin. I have 5 exams again this term, but I feel less stressed about it. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Maybe high stress yields good exam performance? We'll see.

A lot of my classmates are worrying about our business associations final (that class deals with things like the governing of various business entities, such as general partnerships, limited liability partnerships, limited liability companies, and closely-held [non-public] corporations). It's a statutory class, which is why I think a lot of people are worried. They tend to be a little harder, I think, because not only do you have a written code that is technically the law, but you also have cases that may interpret and apply that code differently, so the state of the law can be more complex than in areas that are mainly case-law driven, even though you would think areas of law that aren't written down in a code would be more complicated.  But my sales class last semester, which was also a code course, was much harder, so I'm not really feeling the same sense of urgency about business associations. That may or may not backfire on me.

As for my summer job search, I sent off a couple more applications but have not heard anything on them. I also sent a nudge to the small firm that would have me doing copyright issues part time, and they actually said they are still interested in filling the law clerk position, and again said they would get back to me on interviewing. It sounds like they are uber-busy with their recent firm move, which I can understand. It does make me feel better to think that might still be on the table. It seems like it would be a good job for me.

Now let's talk about some non-law school things: TV, for instance. Recently, I have been watching some old TV series on Netflix (which, at $10 a month and commercial-free, seems to be a much better deal than cable or satellite), and I'm a little bit startled that people who used to look old to me now look like contemporaries, more or less. For instance, I just began watching Ally McBeal, a show that I saw a few episodes of back in high school, but never really followed. Back then (10 years ago now, imagine that), all the characters on the show looked so old to me. Now, most of them actually look not much older than myself and the people I go to school with. In fact... ok, no. I suspected that Calista Flockhart may have been about my age when the show began, but I just googled it, and it seems she was 33 then, so she had 5 years on me. But considering her character's position as a relatively new lawyer, I guess that figure is not too far off from where I might hope to be career-wise in 5 years. I guess it kind of freaks me out a bit.  What really freaks me out is realizing that I am presently older than Gillian Anderson was when she first played Scully on the X-Files. She always seemed like such an adult to me, such a professional, when I was in junior high and high school. Now I'm as old as she was when she had been playing Scully for 3 or 4 years, and that just doesn't seem right. It is weird how TV characters have a kind of immortality, though. They will always be the age that they were on the show, even 10 or 20 years later. The rest of us do not get that luxury.

You know what I think's maybe the saddest thing about life? You never really arrive. You are always striving for the carrot at the end of the stick that will always be out of reach, no matter where you are. There was a time when I thought that was the whole point of life: to continue reaching for things, for personal betterment. But I think what it really means is that we will never be satisfied. And that, to me, is sad.


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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

somnabul

Sometimes I feel too stressed to go to sleep. My bed time has been very late this semester anyway, averaging about 3:AM, I'd say. It's been as bad as 4:30. Right now it's about 2:30, and I surely could have comfortably gone to bed a couple hours ago, but I find myself feeling like everything will move too fast if I go to bed, and I can delay the things that stress me out by staying up. Of course I know that is not the right way to handle things. The right way is to go directly to bed, get plenty of rest, and tackle my issues head on in the morning with a fresh mind. Instead I allow myself to get paralyzed and I am perpetuating my stress by putting myself into a zombie mental state and not allowing myself to just let go of the things that cannot be handled tonight anyway.

It's that time of the semester: finals loom in four weeks, paper due in two weeks, annoying in-class negotiation of a license agreement in 1 week, daily reading ever present, pressure to find summer gig constant.

Additionally, some of Ian's family is coming for a visit this week. Feeling pressure to entertain. Visits during semester not easy for me, stress-wise. Feel at cross-purposes.

As to summer gig: the small business legal clinic that I applied for contacted me to say they have cancelled the summer session, but I can have my application considered for fall or spring semester. That would be fine, but it would mean less flexibility in being able to decide my schedule next year. I will still apply, and if I get into that, it would make me feel better in the case that I don't get a summer gig, which is looking more and more likely as time goes on. There was one possible gig that looked like it would have been pretty perfect: 20 hours per week working on copyright cases for small firm. But the position was not for-sure yet, and the guy said he'd contact me last week to set up an interview, but he didn't, so I'm thinking the position is cancelled, or they just don't want me and can't find the cajones to say so. Starting to feel like I may end up just taking classes this summer, in which case I need to register before they are all full up. Don't really want to do that, but not sure if I'm gonna get lucky this summer.

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell I'm doing.


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