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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

somnabul

Sometimes I feel too stressed to go to sleep. My bed time has been very late this semester anyway, averaging about 3:AM, I'd say. It's been as bad as 4:30. Right now it's about 2:30, and I surely could have comfortably gone to bed a couple hours ago, but I find myself feeling like everything will move too fast if I go to bed, and I can delay the things that stress me out by staying up. Of course I know that is not the right way to handle things. The right way is to go directly to bed, get plenty of rest, and tackle my issues head on in the morning with a fresh mind. Instead I allow myself to get paralyzed and I am perpetuating my stress by putting myself into a zombie mental state and not allowing myself to just let go of the things that cannot be handled tonight anyway.

It's that time of the semester: finals loom in four weeks, paper due in two weeks, annoying in-class negotiation of a license agreement in 1 week, daily reading ever present, pressure to find summer gig constant.

Additionally, some of Ian's family is coming for a visit this week. Feeling pressure to entertain. Visits during semester not easy for me, stress-wise. Feel at cross-purposes.

As to summer gig: the small business legal clinic that I applied for contacted me to say they have cancelled the summer session, but I can have my application considered for fall or spring semester. That would be fine, but it would mean less flexibility in being able to decide my schedule next year. I will still apply, and if I get into that, it would make me feel better in the case that I don't get a summer gig, which is looking more and more likely as time goes on. There was one possible gig that looked like it would have been pretty perfect: 20 hours per week working on copyright cases for small firm. But the position was not for-sure yet, and the guy said he'd contact me last week to set up an interview, but he didn't, so I'm thinking the position is cancelled, or they just don't want me and can't find the cajones to say so. Starting to feel like I may end up just taking classes this summer, in which case I need to register before they are all full up. Don't really want to do that, but not sure if I'm gonna get lucky this summer.

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell I'm doing.


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1 comment:

Sovknight said...

You are working toward your future, which is commendable and respectable, and enviable as well. Yes, it is hard, and there will be stress and maybe even some grey hairs, but the result will be worth it. Look at it this way: Lots of other people have done it, and you are much smarter than a majority of them. No reason why you can't do it too. You have my complete confidence, and you know that. Just stay the course. :)

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