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Sunday, January 2, 2011

Ressy, Ressy

It's resolution time! Hope everyone had a happy new year, btw.

Ressy 1) You're fit, but my gosh, don't you know it!  It's time for me to get fit (how original, I know). Once school starts on the 10th, I plan to begin my fitness regimen, which will include (a) an overt sugar embargo, (b) regularly scheduled exercise, and (c) attempts at eating smaller portions of healthier food. It's such an easy formula when you lay it out like that, but we all know theory does not easily translate to practice, and results are often hard in coming. Still, I shall give it a valiant effort. I don't really feel too overweight, but I don't really feel too good about myself either. When you find that you would be embarrassed to take your clothes off for someone you've never slept with before, it's a pretty good sign that you are ready to get fit. Luckily, I don't have to take my clothes off for anyone new, but I would still like to get fit for the benefit of those of us who still do have to see me naked from time to time. Plus, I have designs on one day acquiring this ninja suit, and I want to make it look good, bitch.

Ressy 2) Find law school zen again. It's not that I didn't work my ass off last semester, or that I dropped the ball, but I felt completely off my game anyway. Normally, after slugging through a few awkward weeks, you get into a pretty efficient law school routine each semester. You become a magical little reading machine that can easily pack away 40-60 pages a night of reading in 4-6 hours with little whining. That didn't happen for me last time. Every page of the 2,500 or so that I had to read was painful to get through, and it often took me twice as long to get through it as it should have. And what's worse, I felt less prepared by the time I got to finals than usual. And finals itself was a two-week marathon of three-days-cramming-then-one-day-testing-times-four that I would hate to repeat. I want to reclaim the zen that I sometimes felt during my first year, especially around finals. I don't actually know how I'm going to achieve this resolution, but maybe if I just keep it in mind, things will happen. Unfortunately there is no magic pill to make law school go smoothly.

Ressy 3) Try to be more positive, and think more of other people and less of myself. I actually do think these two things are related, which is why they are one resolution. I have been so focused on my own needs, and I have not nurtured any of my relationships to the extent they ought to be nurtured. Since I am so focused on myself, and since my existence has been so full of drudgery, I have felt very depressed. My solipsism should end now. Maybe by focusing more on other people, I will see that my own problems are not so great and will feel happier. This will be hard, because I have always been very self-focused anyway, but I do remember a time when I actually did care quite a bit about caring for others, even if I am not always good at showing it. I feel like I've lost touch with that, and want to try to fix it -- to remember what it is like to have meaningful connections with people.

Seems like such a depressing note to end a resolution list on, since such lists are supposed to be optimistic. But I am trying to be. I am trying to recognize that there are things that need to change, and that is the first step in actually changing. So here's to positive growth in 2011.


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2 comments:

twogirlsandaroad said...

I don't make resolutions anymore, mainly because I can't stand the part where I fail. But I commend you on #3 - this is something I strive to do everyday but since the holidays got underway, I haven't done much of it. Hypocritical? Absolutely...

Happy New Year to you!

twogirlsandaroad said...

I don't make resolutions anymore, mainly because I can't stand the part where I fail. But I commend you on #3 - this is something I strive to do everyday but since the holidays got underway, I haven't done much of it. Hypocritical? Absolutely...

Happy New Year to you!

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