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Friday, July 24, 2009

I'm officially unemployed

Today was my last day of work at the Firm. The morning was filled with
moderate-high levels of stress as I tried to tidy up some loose ends
and last minute emergencies before leaving. I find stress a great
motivator in professional and academic settings, and I actually work
very well under stressful conditions. So my last morning was filled
with last minute accomplishment, which is a good way to go out, if you
ask me. Then the whole Firm went for a farewell lunch at Ruth's Diner
up Emigration Canyon. Well, the whole Firm except the perpetually
golfing member, who I don't think ever liked me very much anyway.

Actually, it's only been the last month or so that I've felt like I
fit in at the Firm at all. I mean, I'm a great worker, and have always
done a good job, but my personality never quite seemed to gel with the
vibe of the Firm. So while I enjoyed my job on the whole, I didn't
really feel sentimental about leaving.

But this last month things have been different. People would actually
have conversations with me, as if I'm a normal human being and not
some socially retarded freak, which is how I often felt. I felt
misunderstood a lot. Ian says I didn't give them a chance to get to
know me, but I feel like the way I behave toward others reflects the
way others behave toward me, and I wasn't given the chance to make
myself understood.

I don't know what flipped the switch, but I have felt better
understood and less freakish this last month. So now I am a little
sentimental about leaving after all. Also, training my replacement
helped me realized just how much there was to learn at the Firm. I'm
really glad for what I learned over these past three years at my job,
administratively, jurisprudentially, and socially. This job was also
definitely influential in my decision to go to law school, so I guess
I have the Firm to blame. Er, thank, I mean.

Well, I never wanted my job to be a defining part of my life. I don't
think what you do should be who you are. But I guess in a way
everything you do becomes part of who you are. And I'm glad for this
part of me. In the end, I really do feel better for it all, and I do
feel supported and appreciated, like I have some friendly colleagues
rooting for me as I depart on this adventure. And these days where
employees are often little more than a number, I think that's saying
something.

2 comments:

natabird said...

Closing one chapter and opening another. It's hard not to be at least a little bit sentimental.
I like your last paragraph. I've given "what defines me" a lot of thought in my life. I have to agree with you... Everything we do becomes a little part of us, and therefore goes into who/what we are.

natabird said...

Closing one chapter and opening another. It's hard not to be at least a little bit sentimental.
I like your last paragraph. I've given "what defines me" a lot of thought in my life. I have to agree with you... Everything we do becomes a little part of us, and therefore goes into who/what we are.

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