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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dear December,

You are the coldest, most expensive, and busiest month of the year. It is for these reasons that I hate you.

Granted, you've been kind to us this year, weather-wise. You've only given us one snow storm so far this month, and it was much needed to clear out the nasty pollution in our air, which is not really your fault, but the fault of the oil refineries that plague our state. And it only took me about 2 minutes to scrape the snow off my car. Also, it hasn't been quite cold enough yet to induce involuntary shivering, but I can feel that you're tempted to go there, so I'm going to have to ask you to consider your next move carefully. Or else.

Also granted, most of the expensiveness is my fault and the fault of cultural expectation. When I have to get presents for everyone that I love at the same time, it can add up quickly regardless of how much I try to cut back. Throw in the fact that my brother's birthday belongs to you, along with the birthday of one of my most favorite friends, and the fact that people feel this sick compulsion to get married or have babies with you (err, uh, within you, I mean), and the expense of gifting in the month of December grows greater. Besides, I do LIKE giving presents to my loved ones. I just want to know who thought up this Christmas thing so I can pound them one good. Presents for everyone at the same time! What were you thinking, you sadist!?

And, I know I probably should have held back on the special secret Santa present I bought for myself and E, but really, I feel like this is the last chance I have to splurge for myself before I begin Operation: Save $ For Law School, followed by Operation: Live Like a Pauper so as Not to Break the Bank in Law School. So I bought that special secret Santa present for myself and E, and it arrived today, and is totally freaking rad.

Since this is my last December at the Law Firm, and next December I'll be basking in the stress of Finals immediately followed by a small respite, I really shouldn't be too angry with you for making my work day a living hell at this time of year for the past three years. Tell me, what is your secret to exhorting extra productivity out of my attorneys, December? Because that information would come in handy during other times of the year when I'm bored out of my mind at the office.

In short, it may not be your fault. But I hate you. And I'm looking forward to your death.

Sincerely,

Sra



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19 comments:

sovknight said...

I think it's all the Christian's fault for trying to absorb the traditional Pagan holidays at the end of the year. Most evidence for Jesus birth, provided he even existed, was for April or June sometime I believe.

The thing I hate most about December is that the holiday season is supposed to be a time of cheer and joy, but that only applies if you're a kid. For adults, the holiday season is a time of depression and misery. Especially for those of us who can't get back to our families, and have very few friends and don't have the money to buy gifts for them anyway. Add in the fact that it gets dark before 5PM, it's generally cold and dreary, and something so simple as going to the store for a gallon of milk is fraught with the overabundance of cretinous morons doing their shopping, as it were, in the absolute most rude and senseless ways, and you can easily see why December sucks.

In short, I agree.

sovknight said...

By the way, I can pretty much blame anything on the Christians. Just sayin'...

Trovan said...

What did you secret santa to yourself? I bet it was naughy. ...giggle...

@Sov- It was April. April 6, to be exact (or the equivalent on whatever calendar they used then).

And why do you always have to blame us Christians for everything? You should blame Muslims, like we do. ;-)

Scottrbarnes said...

Hooray! Someone else who hates December as much as I do.
I had a friend in high school whose family would celebrate Christmas in January to avoid the crazy December shopping time and so they could get all the really good deals on stuff in January.

Sra said...

P.S. December, I forgot to mention that you make me look fat. Bitch.

Sov: The sun setting early gets to me too. When I leave work around 5:30 it looks like 9:PM, but the short days are so sunny and bright and I'm stuck in my cube. Trovan's right, we should blame all religions equally :)

Trov: No, it wasn't a naughty gift (we already have all the naughty we need, which is why we're also getting lumps of coal this year). But it's still a secret to E, so I can't mention it here yet. You'll see soon enough.

Scott: That January idea is genius! I just try to get my shopping done before November ends so as to mitigate the great hassle of shopping during December. But to get all those deep January discounts is a great idea. In a perfect world, I'd rather gift nicely for everyone's birthday, and then have a party for the holidays with plenty of food and libations.

sovknight said...

Here's a plus for December: Your blog's birthday. As of today, December 10th, bunsnip.com is 1 year and three days old. Its estimated value is $309.

Not all is bad.

Sra said...

Is that right? It's hard for me to keep track because I was blogging on MySpace before building Bunsnip, and I moved most of those MySpace posts over here, so I can't just jump to the first post and see what date it was. I think I had some "Welcome to Bunsnip" post that was the first official post of Bunsnipdom. But I've been blogging since 2006, so it feels like this has been going on for longer than a year anyway.

So what you're saying is I could sell my blog for $309? Tempting, but I think I'll hold onto it.

Claire said...

Dear Sra,

It's not my fault. Everything was going well...I didn't mind that Mithras kid throwing his parties, because his friends mostly kept it down and didn't make too much of a mess, although they were kind of hard on the local cattle population.

Then Mithras and his buddies got the boot, and instead of celebrating the Saturnalia and Sol Invictus, suddenly everybody's in a bother trying to calculate how long it took three dudes on camels to reach a backwater town on the fringe of the Roman Empire...not to mention trying to figure out where to find contemporary analogues for gifts intended for a king.

And don't get me started on eggnog.

I think the Sun took it personally, and so you're stuck with the chilly weather. I do my best, but it's tough. He's been pissed off ever since Aten, actually, and believe me, you do not want to make him angry. Tell you what - I'll try to throw in a few sunny days that will remind you that Spring will be here eventually. Eostre's had much better luck than poor Mithras, even if nobody really understands what they're doing when they let their kids hunt for eggs. My pal Gaiman can tell you all about that.

In closing, I hope you will remember that I am an essential part of the seasonal life cycle of Gaia (oops...sorry, Earth) and there is no heat without cold, no light without shadow, and no clearance without holiday markups.

Yours in anthropomorphism,

December

Sra said...

Dear December,

When you put things like that, it makes it so hard for me to hate you. And I really hate you, December, I really do.

So you don't happen to have Mithras' contact information, do you? I have a piece of holiday pound cake I'd like to give him.

I get what you're saying with the yin-yang thing. Well, my heart has melted a bit. I guess maybe none of this is your fault, but you are the easiest to blame, because the meaning of our holiday traditions has become so convoluted since the original pagan festivals were hijacked by the Christians. So maybe you and I can call a truce. Give me those sunny days you promised, and I'll promise to stop spreading around my hatred for you. Deal?

Regards,

Sra

P.S. What's so bad about Eggnog? I rather enjoy it, even if it does have 2,000 calories per carton.

jess said...

so i'm dying to know what the SECRET GIFT IS.

and december can suck it.

brake the bank. i'm laughing bout that...i'm the grammar police though. so no one likes me.

Sra said...

Ha! I'm a total grammarnazi too, but I completely missed brake the bank. It has been corrected. But, you know, in case my bank decides to make a break for it (which could very well happen in this economy), I'll keep my bank brake handy.

As for the secret gift, I don't want you guys to get too excited, because then you'll only be disappointed when it's revealed. So just maintain mild curiosity so that when I do reveal it, you'll think it's neat.

B.R. said...

The culture of gift-giving, however, does have a couple of good points. First, it stands as a genuine celebration of human attachments and mutual appreciation people have for one another.
Gifts do serve as a symbol of this sometimes forgotten 'menschliche Waerme.'

When faced with a great but expensive outfit from a preferred label and a uniquely taken photograph, I take the latter with more pleasure. The latter only cost the other party film development fees. The label outfit, on the other hand.... I'd take the idiosyncratic art any day of the month.

And December needs to be bailed out as well. Spread the wealth around a bit, you remaining 11 months. It's rather great to get and give gifts when all that's being celebrated is how great the person is.

B.R. said...

And congrats on getting accepted to Washington U Law as well. How exciting this time is!

sovknight said...

Yes, congrats. Two for two so far.

Sra said...

I agree, giving gifts is a great way to show your appreciation, affection, and love for people. And gifts from the heart are better than expensive gifts. But it's still difficult to come up with inexpensive gifts from the heart for everyone at the same time. It would be better if the gifting love was more spread out during the year. (And also, some people don't really appreciate well meaning gifts of little value, unfortunately.)

Thanks re: Wash U. I am pleased to have two positive results so far. This is indeed a very exciting time. Exciting and anxieting.

B.R. said...

And congrats on getting accepted to Washington U Law as well. How exciting this time is!

B.R. said...

The culture of gift-giving, however, does have a couple of good points. First, it stands as a genuine celebration of human attachments and mutual appreciation people have for one another.
Gifts do serve as a symbol of this sometimes forgotten 'menschliche Waerme.'

When faced with a great but expensive outfit from a preferred label and a uniquely taken photograph, I take the latter with more pleasure. The latter only cost the other party film development fees. The label outfit, on the other hand.... I'd take the idiosyncratic art any day of the month.

And December needs to be bailed out as well. Spread the wealth around a bit, you remaining 11 months. It's rather great to get and give gifts when all that's being celebrated is how great the person is.

Sra said...

Ha! I'm a total grammarnazi too, but I completely missed brake the bank. It has been corrected. But, you know, in case my bank decides to make a break for it (which could very well happen in this economy), I'll keep my bank brake handy.

As for the secret gift, I don't want you guys to get too excited, because then you'll only be disappointed when it's revealed. So just maintain mild curiosity so that when I do reveal it, you'll think it's neat.

Sra said...

Dear December,

When you put things like that, it makes it so hard for me to hate you. And I really hate you, December, I really do.

So you don't happen to have Mithras' contact information, do you? I have a piece of holiday pound cake I'd like to give him.

I get what you're saying with the yin-yang thing. Well, my heart has melted a bit. I guess maybe none of this is your fault, but you are the easiest to blame, because the meaning of our holiday traditions has become so convoluted since the original pagan festivals were hijacked by the Christians. So maybe you and I can call a truce. Give me those sunny days you promised, and I'll promise to stop spreading around my hatred for you. Deal?

Regards,

Sra

P.S. What's so bad about Eggnog? I rather enjoy it, even if it does have 2,000 calories per carton.

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