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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Excess in the name of Guinness

Sra: You stink.

Ian: What?

Sra: You smell like smoky bar.

Ian: Psshh.... I didn't say, "Accept me how I am," I said, "I'm here; I'm drunk."

Sra: You don't even know what you're saying right now.

Ian: Yes I do! It was Dave's birthday today... the bar owner.

Sra: So?

Ian: So I'm drunk.

Sra: What does that have to do with you being drunk?

Ian: It doesn't.

Sra: Then why are you drunk?

Ian: I don't know. The Guinness was so good... I haven't had it in a long time.



This is what happens when you abstain from alcohol for a month in the name of hiking. Instead of finding amusement in being drunk, you find amusement in watching other people who are drunk.


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15 comments:

natabird said...

At least there's still drunkeness and amusement.

B.R. said...

Is indoor smoking still allowed in UT bars?

The Over-Thinker said...

It's like an episode of Three's Company. Minus Chrissy. But I hated Chrissy, anyhow.

Sra said...

Yes, smoking in Utah bars is still legal until I believe February 2009. But a lot of bars have already gone smokeless in anticipation. I don't know what's going to happen to the huka bars come February. Anyway, it will be nice when you can go out for a raucous night of gin and tonics and then not smell like an ashtray afterward.

Claire said...

All of my drunkenness-related amusement has always come from others...the brain refuses to let me get drunk. Stupid self-preservation instinct, ruining my college years.

I will say, however, that Guinness is good. I can usually finish half of one before I am so full that I feel as though I've eaten an entire loaf of bread.

And, smoking in bars, still? Really? Blech. Campfire smoke in my hair is tolerable. Smelling like I've fallen asleep in a bowling alley parking lot, not so much.

Sra said...

I love the taste of Guinness, but can't stand the texture. I call it flat. Ian is adamant that it is not flat, but that this is how beers are supposed to be carbonated, and all my delightfully bubbly beers are too bubbly. That's why I really enjoy a beer called Cherny Bock from a local brewery. It's dark and rich like a Guinness, but just as bubbly as a Pilsner.

When you come to visit Utah next year there won't be smoking in bars, so fear not.

jess said...

i can't stop laughing about this: I didn't say,"Accept me how I am," I said, "I'm here; I'm drunk."

you can't make that stuff up. :)

feed the world with PEZ said...

To actually understand the sentences that spill freely from a drunk man mouth, you first have to know his state of mind. Here is the math:

1 Imperial pint = 19.2152068 US Fluid Ounces

X

6 Imperial pints of delicious Guinness

=

115.2912408 US fluid Ounces or 0.900712 US Gallons of delicious Guinness goodness.

Now given that I weigh 170lbs plus the high point alcohol level do to the high gravity of Guinness and that these 6 pints were drunk within a 3 hour window, that should give me a theoretical blood alcohol content of 0.14. Thus meaning the direct translation of "I didn't say, Accept me how I am,I said, I'm here; I'm drunk." Actually translates "Hi honey, I drank too much tonight... Excuse me whilst I go vomit... Love you!"

Sra said...

Jess: I know, I couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth! It's priceless.

PEZ: I didn't have my drunk translator activated at the time, but considering the amount of vomiting that ensued, I believe that's exactly what that phrase means ;)

Claire said...

Wow, Cherny Bock sounds taste: delicious! I look forward to imbibing it!

In unrelated news, I bought my first stick of Tom's aluminum-free wonder deodorant last week (I chose the apricot scent).

I'm just a simple cavewoman - your modern technology confuses and frightens me - but put it on my shelf, say I! Thanks for freeing me from one more evil aluminum Alzheimer's influence!

Sra said...

Changing the world one stick of deodorant at a time.

I have a feeling that there will be lots of Cherny Bock imbibing indeed.

Sra said...

Changing the world one stick of deodorant at a time.

I have a feeling that there will be lots of Cherny Bock imbibing indeed.

feed the world with PEZ said...

To actually understand the sentences that spill freely from a drunk man mouth, you first have to know his state of mind. Here is the math:

1 Imperial pint = 19.2152068 US Fluid Ounces

X

6 Imperial pints of delicious Guinness

=

115.2912408 US fluid Ounces or 0.900712 US Gallons of delicious Guinness goodness.

Now given that I weigh 170lbs plus the high point alcohol level do to the high gravity of Guinness and that these 6 pints were drunk within a 3 hour window, that should give me a theoretical blood alcohol content of 0.14. Thus meaning the direct translation of "I didn't say, Accept me how I am,I said, I'm here; I'm drunk." Actually translates "Hi honey, I drank too much tonight... Excuse me whilst I go vomit... Love you!"

jess said...

i can't stop laughing about this: I didn't say,"Accept me how I am," I said, "I'm here; I'm drunk."

you can't make that stuff up. :)

Sra said...

I love the taste of Guinness, but can't stand the texture. I call it flat. Ian is adamant that it is not flat, but that this is how beers are supposed to be carbonated, and all my delightfully bubbly beers are too bubbly. That's why I really enjoy a beer called Cherny Bock from a local brewery. It's dark and rich like a Guinness, but just as bubbly as a Pilsner.

When you come to visit Utah next year there won't be smoking in bars, so fear not.

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