bunsnip (at) gmail (dot com)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Smurfette goes to Vegas

Last night I dreamt I got a full face mask tattoo. I chose aquamarine to cover my entire face, and then finished it off with some hooker-purple permanent eye make-up. It would have been pretty awesome if I had been planning to adopt some braided blonde piggy tails and change my name to Smurfette.

In my dream, I loved the face tattoo the first day (and it didn't even hurt to get it -- bonus!), but when I woke up the next day, I saw my face in the mirror, and it was like one of those times when you get really drunk and you're having a great time, but then you wake up and find out that during the night you ran off to Vegas and got married to a fat hairy man in his 40's who still lives in his parents' basement. You know, one of those priceless "What the hell did I do?!?!" moments, except this one can't be corrected with an annulment.

It was that shocking moment gazing into the mirror at my new permanent blue hooker makeup face that I was finally frightened awake in real life, to my utter relief. Thank god! It was only a dream!

It's a good thing, too, because in the same dream, I finally managed to find the perfect gay man friend, but this gay man friend was just a little too perfect, because Ian fell in love with him and the two of them ran off together into the sunset leaving me alone and feeling about as blue as my face.

That'll teach me to look at websites like right before going to bed! The funny thing is that InkedInc is about professional-looking individuals whose bodies are actually covered in tattoos, but you'd never know it by looking at them in their professional garb. Just shows to go you that you can't judge a person by her/his exterior.

It's sites like this one about the most tattooed and body-modified people in the world that really ought to give me nightmares. The guy named Lucky Diamond Rich especially gives me the willies. The cat lady is pretty creepy too. I'll never understand what possesses people to go through such drastic body modifications. How would it be if Halloween were the only day of the year in which you actually looked normal? To each his own, I suppose.

But on the whole I'm actually quite fond of tattoos as an artform and a way of expressing yourself, and I even get a kick out of looking at really bad tattoos, like the ones in this book (which is a nice book to add to your coffee table collection, btw). I'm just glad I don't have Bob Barker with a Barbie-pink background tattooed all over my upper arm.

I enjoyed the experience of getting my scales of justice tattoo between my shoulder blades. It's kind of a spiritual experience, getting inked; the pain is remarkable, but even more remarkable is the way your body responds to the pain by flooding your system with chemicals that make the whole experience bearable and even trance-like. I love my tattoo, but I especially love that I can either show it off or cover it up. It's for that very reason that I'll never understand nor like facial tattoos.

So in other words, you're probably not going to see me all blue faced and running off to Vegas anytime soon. Or ever.

Subscribe to Bunsnip


Natalie said...

oh my gosh! i can't imagine getting any of those ugly tattoos! or the whole body modifying thing either. i have an alpha-omega tattoo on my's about the size of a half-dollar...and i love it. no regrets!

Claire said...

I once had a dream that Steve Martin was the Devil, and only I knew it. Needless to say, Steve was not pleased by this state of affairs and had me killed. Luckily, my cat, Scooter, bit me on the hand and revived me.

So I guess I'm like a Bast worshipper now or something. I hope I don't have to have my soul weighed against the feather, because even if it is, as Gaiman says "a heavy feather," I worry.

But still, never considered a full-face tattoo...unless it would maybe be the full-face tattoo of may actual face, only tan. There's a time and money saver.

The Over-Thinker said...

Holy HOLY holy crap. Thanks, Sra---I'm off to a dreamland of terrors. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Post a Comment