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Friday, May 16, 2008

Lacking the Mother Gene

I don't have a motherly instinct -- not a single motherly cell in my body. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only girl who's like that and everyone else just can't get enough of babies. That's not true, of course, I've actually met other girls like me -- girls who just don't get children. Children are a complete mystery to me and it's always been that way, as long as I can remember.

I don't think I've ever held a baby in my arms, but if I did, I was probably too traumatized by the experience and thus blocked it out of my mind. Babies are little moving, breathing collections of human limbs that nonetheless seem completely alien to me, and I don't know the first thing to do with them.

The fact that I don't get children is part of the reason that I'm not planning on having children. But, having said that, not planning on having children and not having children are two entirely different things. One can never say never, as they say. For instance, one of my dear friends who is just like me in that she never wanted children and never really understood them has just announced that she is pregnant. It wasn't planned, of course (because she, like me, was not planning on having children, remember?), but she and her boyfriend are going along with it anyway.

And you know what? --Brace yourselves-- I was actually very happy for her when she told me. Weird, I know! I mean, usually when a friend tells me she is having a baby, I say, "Wow, congratulations! I'm so happy for you." But this time, I actually really honestly from the bottom of my heart MEANT it when I said it.

I don't know what the difference is in this case. I mean, first of all let me explain that it's not like I don't want my other friends to have children, or even that do I want this friend to have children. It's just that normally I don't give a rat's hind quarters that someone is having a kid, because I don't much care for the little beasties, but this time, I do. Give a rat's hind quarters, that is. Why is that?

Maybe it's because she's 35 -- kind of nearing the endgame of child-bearing years. Or maybe it's because I really respect her as a person in general, and I think her boyfriend is awesome as well, and that they'd make great parents. Maybe it's because they're both European and I somehow have more confidence in the kid-rearing sensibilities of European culture. Hell, I don't know what it is. But whatever it is, it makes me wonder if I do have a heart somewhere underneath my cold little steel rib cage after all.

Then again... let's not be too hasty.





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7 comments:

Loralee Choate said...

I am not one of those that say "Oh, but you will/should change your mind!" as far as planning for kids.
I think that you would be totally fine not having kids, BUT if the situation was thrown your way and you had one? I really think that you would be fine in the parenting department. Truly.

The Over-Thinker said...

I really respect that you're "not planning on having children"--to be able to know yourself enough to even conceive of this (no pun intended) is a pretty big deal.

I really want a child. One that's born potty-trained and able to mow the lawn. Oh, and balance my checkbook. Wait, I think I might be talking about my dream-husband.

All kidding aside, I want to be a mom so bad that I can taste it. I never thought I'd be in this place, mentally, but I am.

And although I don't know you in-person and all that jazz, I "2nd" what Loralee said..I think you'd be a good mom. Just a strong hunch :)

Sov the Devil's Advocate said...

I think you're too young to be a mom. You haven't lived enough yet. I think people should travel and see things and do things and satisfy their own needs before catering to a little leech. I have nothing against children per se, but you need to be ready. Live for yourself first, because once the offspring come along, you live for them.

In Utah I see so many 20 year-old GIRLS pushing around strollers. Kids are fine, but these girls are still kids themselves. Live a little first. There's probably a good biological reason why women hit their sexual peak at around 30. that's nature telling you when you're ready.

Sra said...

Well, I also feel that the 20's are too young for children, but I think we are in the minority on that opinion.

And thanks for the votes of confidence ladies ;)

feed the world with PEZ said...

What I don't understand is how so many people can look at their little babies and think that somehow they are just so adorable.

A vast majority of them look like trolls and I'm not talking about the nekked butted troll dolls with goofy grins I'm talking about scaly puss oozing Grendel Beowulf trolls. Most of the rest look like orcs and the handful that are left are only cute because of some bizarre anomaly. So people the answer is a resounding "no" the next time you send me pictures of the hideous abomination you have spawned and say "oh isn't he adorable?!"...

Sra said...

Reminds me of Knocked Up, when they go for a pregnancy test at the doctor's office, and while in the waiting room, Seth finds the most hideous troll baby I've ever seen googling up at him with a goofy grin. Classic.

I think there must be some kind of chemical thing that makes parents think their babies are cute. It's probably an evolutionary development meant to keep mothers from eating their hideous little beasties or abandoning them on doorsteps.

Honestly, I've seen maybe three actually cute babies in person. The rest are all trolls with overly adoring parents.

Sra said...

Reminds me of Knocked Up, when they go for a pregnancy test at the doctor's office, and while in the waiting room, Seth finds the most hideous troll baby I've ever seen googling up at him with a goofy grin. Classic.

I think there must be some kind of chemical thing that makes parents think their babies are cute. It's probably an evolutionary development meant to keep mothers from eating their hideous little beasties or abandoning them on doorsteps.

Honestly, I've seen maybe three actually cute babies in person. The rest are all trolls with overly adoring parents.

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