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Friday, February 15, 2008

I'm a baby when it comes to persistent sickness, but sometimes a positive attitude is the best prescription

I'm still sick as a mother-effing dog.

This is day 4 of full-blown nasty sickness, and while the sickness has changed over these 4 days, I can't say that it's improved. So I decided to try to go to the clinic today. I say "try", because I failed, twice. Apparently there aren't any walk-in clinics anymore. But I don't understand why I should have to make an appointment when I am sick RIGHT NOW, and want to be seen RIGHT NOW. That may be selfish and unrealistic, but it's how I feel.

And my feelings are really turbulent right now. I'm in the emotional phase of the sickness. You know, the part where you've been so sick and tired for so long that you feel really emotionally vulnerable and you want someone to help you be better. And so when you are turned away from two clinics, you cry your eyes out in a manner that you haven't done since you were an infant. The really embarrassing, out-of-control type of crying where you moan at a level so intense you didn't know you had it in you. Yes, I should feel ashamed. But I can't help it, I'm vulnerable, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to at least feel like I'm improving, even a little. Well, actually crying so hard did help me feel a little better. Maybe now I kind of get why kids do it so much. I just always figured they were whiny little beasts that knew how to twist mommy's arms. But maybe they are just expressing their basic emotional needs in the only way they know how. Or maybe not, maybe they're still little beasts.

But anyway it's difficult to get me to go to the doctor. I don't really like going. For one thing, all you ever hear about is how people are over-prescribed antibiotics, and so you should think twice about going to the clinic if you think you just have a cold or flu, because antibiotics don't help that. Well, first off, this shifts the blame of the over-prescription from the people doing the prescribing to the people getting the pills. Doctors should be mindful about not prescribing unnecessary medication, that is their responsibility. We patients don't know what we have, and that's why we go to the doctor in the first place. I think maybe some doctors are too busy to want to properly figure out what patients have, and so they just send them off with some antibiotics. Shame on them for that.

Well, you know what? I haven't had a course of antibiotics in so long that I can't even remember the last time. It was probably in junior high. So it's not like I'm an evil antibiotic popper who just wants a quick fix for my ailment. If that were the case, I'd have gone in at least on day two, although apparently I'd have been turned away. Seriously, I didn't know you needed an appointment.

On the other hand, you always hear, "check with your doctor" about this OTC medication and that OTC medication, and WEBMD says on their aticle When Should I See a Doctor for Cold or Flu? that you should see a doctor if you have a persistent fever. Well, I've had a persistent fucking fever, and it's frying my brains and making me crazy and making me cry like a little baby when the doctors turn me away.

Ok, so as you see, I'm still very emotional. Breathe, Sra.

But I've decided the doctors and clinics can eff themselves, and anyway, I'm bound to start getting better sometime soon, I mean how long can a damn sickness possibly last? It's me and Dayquill/Nyquill from here on out! I'll probably start feeling better tomorrow, and maybe I'll be better in time to enjoy my paid holiday on monday.

So seriously, now you see that I have very little patience for lasting sickness, and I have a rather negative attitude about it, but in reality, I'm going to be fine, and if I'm just patient enough, I will be better soon. It sucks but it's a necessary evil we all have to face sometimes.

But other people have to deal with much more serious evils, life-threatening ones that last much longer and are much more difficult and scary than a stupid little cold. And sometimes it's remarkable how well people who look their mortality in the face can still manage to remain positive. I don't know if I'd be able to handle that.

So this confidential message goes out to a person very close to me who is dealing with a very difficult, life-threatening illness with much more poise than I could ever muster: I know you are scared, as are we all, but you put on a much braver face than I could ever imagine putting on in your shoes. The road is going to get tougher shortly, but I know that if anyone can do it, you can do it. Keep your chin up. You inspire me.

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Sovknight said...

I'm So Sad you're Still Sick Sra, that Seriously Sucks for Sure.

Sorry. It just came out that way.

I don't understand why you couldn't get into a clinic? Did you go to the emergency clinic? I know when I had the Black Plague a little over a year ago, I was able to walk right into the place I found in Sandy and they took me right then. I didn't have to wait any longer than the time it took to fill out the little clipboard. I might be thinking of something completely different though, but I know when I went to the clinic in California it was the same deal. I just walked right in. I might have it confused with a different kind of place though. I was in a seriously bad way then.

I hope you got in at some point. There's no way a cold will last four days without some alleviation or change in the symptoms, so you must have something more. I think some prescription meds is probably what you need. Either that, or there's some condition at your apartment that prolonging it somehow. I do share your opinion about doctors though, and I'm even more vehement about it. It literally took me almost dying out in Cali before I went to the emergency room. I can't stand doctors and their uppity crap attitudes. You had every right to cry because that's what doctors do. They make you feel bad, and then they take all your money.

Anyway, stay inside and drink lots of water and OJ. Take some vitamin supplements too, especially vitamin C and garlic. Take a nice hot shower everyday. That always feels good. I'm sure you'll feel better in no time.

Sra said...


I don't know why I was turned away either. I've always walked into clinics, and no one ever turned me away. And I've been to both those clinics before too. There are some places I can't go because my insurance isn't accepted. Hell, if I had IHC, I could go anywhere. There's an IHC clinic right down the street from me. But for both these other clinics I had to drive a long way, and they are the closest places that take my insurance. So that was part of the disappointment.

Once, I went into the clinic because I had a bladder infection. When the doctor came into my room and asked me what I was in for, I said, "I have a bladder infection," and he condescendingly said, "how do you know that?" (you'll have to trust me, he said it very condescendingly.) And I wanted to tell him that I'd had one before and I know what they feel like, but instead I calmly listed out my symptoms, which were basically a checklist of the symptoms on WebMD. I still had to waste the time and expense of a pee test to tell me what I already knew. I mean, once you've had one bladder infection, there's no mistaking them! He finally prescribed my pills and it was cleared up in no time.

Well, I don't feel better yet, but I think the sickness might be starting to turn a little. The thing that makes me sad is that I wasted all of last week being sick, and now I have to waste my weekend, which is a holiday weekend, and my anniversary weekend too. And it's so sunshiny outside, it makes me depressed. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better.

And I'm glad I don't have the black death you had. But this is still a more miserable sickness than I've had in a long time.

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